How to overcome performance anxiety and gain more confidence

Everyone suffers from anxiety at some point. But when anxiety is out of control and interferes with our ability to function normally in stressful situations, even if that stress is only in our mind, we should try to deal with it.

Sometimes anxiety comes about because we must do something we really fear doing. One of the most common anxieties is public speaking. Many people fear being in front of the public, either as a speaker or just as someone being singled out or noticed in a crowd.

I myself have suffered from speaking in public. A turning point came at a wedding some years ago. I wanted to give a speech for the bride and groom but don’t usually enjoy speaking in public and it didn't help that I didn't know many of the other guests either. Pondering on how I could muster the courage to deliver a speech, I realized that I couldn't be the only one there who felt it would be nice to say a few words but feel uncomfortable enough to abstain.

So, I came up with an idea. I prepared a large glass jar, cards and pens and took these with me, concealed in a bag. When it was time for me to hold my speech, I was almost paralyzed by stage fright, but I got up and started by explaining exactly how nervous I was about giving this talk. Then I continued to include the others by asking that I assumed I was not alone in feeling this way, and was I right in this? As I received a wave of recognition and felt I had everyone on my side, I could start to relax and even enjoy myself.

It was so much easier now to give my little speech to the newlyweds because I could now include all the others in my plan. Those who felt that they would have wanted to say something but, just as I felt it was hard, could come to me and write down what they wanted to say and put it in the jar. At the end of the evening, I was able to hand over the now full jar to the bride and groom, so that they could open and read later at home in peace and quiet. Afterwards they told how much they had enjoyed reading a message every day, thus prolonging their wedding celebration. For my part, I not only felt a huge relief and not a little proud of myself, because I had challenged myself to do something beyond my comfort zone. But I learned something valuable that day. I learned to include those who were listening to me.

Do you have a fear of speaking in public or performing on a stage? Does any of the following apply to you?

–  Worry about looking foolish in front of other people and being laughed at? 

–  Worry that people can see how nervous you are?

–  Suffer from stage fright if you must speak in front of others or perform onstage.

–  Experience anxiety in advance of the event simply from anticipating your fears.

–  Feel immediate and intense fear upon learning you need to perform in public.

–  Attempt to get out of public performances or not show up if you can’t get out of it.

–  Missed out on opportunities because of your fear of being in the public spotlight.

If so, you may have performance anxiety. Performance anxiety is all in the mind of the sufferer. The fear comes from imagined dangers such as feeling like you are not smart enough or good enough to avoid ridicule. So, the way to overcome your performance anxiety is to change your way of thinking.

There are four steps involved in overcoming performance anxiety. Let’s look at them.


Step one: Self-Assessment

–  Get to know where your strengths and weaknesses lie.

–  Identify the thoughts that are holding you back and creating anxiety. 

–  Find ways how you can support yourself.


Step two: Exposure and Preparation 

–  Find opportunities to practice what you feel uncomfortable with, such as public speaking.

–  Practice your speech or presentation in advance. If possible, perhaps record it and watch yourself. Or at least have a plan. Being well prepared before giving your presentation makes you feel more confident.

–  Think about your posture and body language. You convey more than your words. If you have the opportunity, go to the restroom before your speech, and stand wide-legged with your arms stretched above you in a victory gesture. The body believes what you show it.

–  Learn a few relaxation techniques, such as mindful breathing, and use them right before your performance, to get your breathing down into your stomach.


Step three: The Performance

–  Visualize the audience as friends and family that wish you well. They usually do.

–  Try to include your audience right from the beginning with something they can relate to, using a When-I-method.

–  Tell them something they didn’t know before, by creating an Aha-experience. Applying this will give them something to remember and refer to later.

–  Make use of the entire room by a Use-the-room-method. Experienced speakers use the audience itself to illustrate something they want to convey. But you can also use props that are already in place, or that you have brought with you.

–  Round off a talk with a So-When-You-method that relates to any of the above, to make the audience feel personally engaged.

–  Remember that a good speech doesn’t have to be long. A good speech can be as short as three minutes.

–  Try to relax and enjoy the moment. You communicate what you feel. If you are at ease, the audience feels the same.

Step four: After the Performance

–  Don’t criticize yourself no matter what happens.

–  Congratulate yourself for being brave and doing your best.

–  Reward yourself for making progress.


Hope this will make you feel motivated to step out of your comfort zone and start to challenge yourself and feel confident and good doing it.