Rediscover Your True Authentic Self

On the surface it seems an odd idea that you could actually be anything other than who you really are. But from our earliest years, we are being programmed to “fit in”.  We find ourselves conforming, in order to please the people we love and who love us. But, sometimes this means that we have to suppress what we know is the real person inside. 

We also live in a world that is constantly overloading us with ideas about how to live, who we should be, and what we should wear, think and do. These images of the “perfect” life surround us. In this world of constant marketing and external noise, it's easy to forget who we truly are and the life we wish to live. The greatest challenge often becomes remaining true to our authentic selves amidst these distractions. 

The relationship you have with yourself is the most important relationship you’ll ever have. But what does it mean to be authentic?  

When you’re your authentic self you listen to your inner voice, and you know what makes your heart smile. You know what brings you joy and meaning. You know how to express your needs honestly and with confidence. You make decisions that align with your values and beliefs. You pursue your passions. You put yourself in places and situations that you love and that you enjoy. You meet people that you like talking to, and whom you can share your opinions with freely and honestly. You take yourself to places you’ve dreamt about. You live your life true to your core values. You know how to set healthy boundaries and when  to walk away from toxic situations. You trust yourself and know that you can overcome obstacles when pursuing your goals. You follow your heart, you trust your decisions and you feel alive. 
 

While this might sound simple, learning who we truly are and connecting with that deeper part of us so we can be our most authentic selves, takes both time and contemplation. Sometimes we need to uncover deep-seated beliefs about ourselves that simply aren’t true. Those who were imprinted on us as children, so that we would fit into a suitable behaviour that our family, our culture or society required. Fear of rejection is a very strong feeling and sometimes it can feel easier to adapt, but that's exactly what can prevent us from expressing our authentic self. People are often inauthentic because they believe it’s what others want to see. They change their behavior to match a particular situation. Psychologists call this self-monitoring. It’s an ever-evolving journey of discovery, one that has its twists and turns and even surprises, but one that is truly uplifting and fulfilling, once we allow ourselves to dive into it.   

What do other have to say on this matter? 

• A 2008 study published in the Journal of Counseling Psychology found that people who are more authentic feel happier and have higher self-esteem.
• A 1997 study from the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology discovered that showing up authentically brings greater satisfaction and lower stress levels in a particular role, as a friend, employee, or student.
• 2006 research from the Journal of Counseling Psychology shows that authenticity increases satisfaction in romantic relationships.

Yes, when you learn how to be authentic, you also create genuine relationships. You express yourself honestly, and therefore, attract like-minded people who support you for who you really are, wheres it's romantic relationships, friendships or acquaintances. 

If you’re ready to get reacquainted with someone you haven’t seen in a while – yourself – start with these four ideas to help you rediscover the real you.  

Listen to your inner voice
We all have a voice deep within us that guides us in the right direction. Our intuition, our Inner Compass, our Guide or what you prefer to call it. Learn to listen to this gentle voice within. Spend time with yourself. Take the time to pause and quiet the mind in uninterrupted silence. Make this a daily ritual if you can. Maybe you can have a quiet corner in your home where you connect with yourself? Or perhaps you'll find it easier when you are alone in nature? I have had profound experiences when I have asked myself questions and communicated though my emotions. Find what works for you and what you prefer. 

Practice thinking about yourself and talking to yourself in healthy ways
Pay attention to your self-talk, what you are thinking about and saying to yourself. Challenge the negative self-talk and replace negativity with positive facts. Self-Talk: “You never do anything right.”  Challenge: “Of course I do things right. I did (example) right. I did (example) right. This time, I just made a mistake. I’ll learn from it and have better success next time.” Know you are valuable, that you have something valuable to offer the world, and that there is a reason why you are here. Don't talk yourself down. 

Listen to your heart
Sounds easy enough, but by the time we’re adults, most of us have stopped listening to our hearts and only go with our heads. We have three intelligences in our bodies that are equally important. Our brain, our heart and our gut. They are in constant communication with each other. When you choose to follow your gut feeling or what your heart knows, you will most probably head in the right direction. 

A person you can get to know better and love better – you – is waiting for you to take the time to listen and understand and accept.  When you have a great relationship with yourself and live your true authentic Self again, you'll set yourself free and have the foundation for a truly fulfilling life.

Photo by Anita Jankovic on Unsplash